I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
handjob tips. give me some.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
