She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
