Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
did you just send me my own nude
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
