So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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