took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
