He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
