Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
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