Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
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