ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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