somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Randomize
