??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
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