8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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