when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
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