i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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