It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Randomize
