At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
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The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
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I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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