Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
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