question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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