If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
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