I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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