was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
