i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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