It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
This is the high leading the old right now
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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