I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
