i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
