My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
