I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
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