she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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