my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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