Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
