College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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