He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
