God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
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