I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
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