dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Dignity is for republicans.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
How external is "for external use only"?
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
