Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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