Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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