Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
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