Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
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