shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
