I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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