You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
They have beer where we have blood.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize