I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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