i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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