its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
