Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
