I am in a vortex of obligation.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Randomize
