you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
