I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I just had sex on a roof
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
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Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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