I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
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