for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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