Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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