Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
