you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
