Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(480): View more from Arizona

just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.

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(510): View more from California

I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.

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(813): View more from Florida

he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up

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(516): View more from New York

Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.

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(630): View more from Illinois

Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.

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(314): View more from Missouri

I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"

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(401): View more from Rhode Island

She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.

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(828): View more from North Carolina

Slow dancing with the chandelier.

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(713): View more from Texas

She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.

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