Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are my feet made of real feet?
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize